It is a beautiful, cold, winter morning. The furnace in the house is having a hard time trying to keep warm my semi-new, freshly painted, two-story house. My daughter is running around the house and my wife is cooking breakfast while I sit in front of the T.V. watching a boring soccer game.
All of sudden I hear a strong ringing sound. I'm so concentrated in the soccer game that it takes me a few seconds to realize from where the sound was coming. It is the doorbell. Someone is at the door. "I'm not expecting anyone" I though. "Who could it be?" "Honey, are you expecting anyone? I asked my wife. "No", she replied. I approach the front door and as I do, the hardwood floors start making noises. I "gotta" fix that. I told myself. I reach for the door knob. I open the door and I see a young man at my door standing there. He is wearing a Comcast shirt so I immediately assume he is a Comcast tech. I had totally forgotten that he was going to be here to take a look at my horrible internet speeds.
I greet the Comcast tech and invite him to come in. He tells me his name and proceeds to put on some show covers. I have new carpet in the lower level of the house so I thank him for that. I tell him that I setup my service almost three months ago and so far nobody has been able to fix my slow connection problem.
He starts testing the lines around the house and running speeds tests. He tells me that the signal from and to the house is strong and that noise levels are within the approve range. He also tells me that even though I have a docsis 2.0 Motorola modem, that it is still in good condition and I don’t have to replace it right away.
I have been told multiple times that the modem is causing my problem. I reply. That's not the case. He says. The modem is working properly and even though you need to start considering buying a docsis 3.0 modem, you don't need to do it; he continued.
The tech leaves the house without finding any problems or fixing anything.
Two days later I get home from work. My wife and daughter are watching a movie on Netflix. Or maybe I should say they are TRYING to watch a movie on Netflix. As soon as I walk in, my daughter yells “Daddy, Dragon Tells’ not working”. She is four years old. I love my daughter. What she is referring to is that the movie their watching stops to buffer every 2-3 minutes. I immediately go to my desktop to run a speed test. What is this? I said. 2 mbps down and 5 up. I'm supposed to be getting 25 down. All the previous speed tests I have done in the past would return values from 8-12 mbps down but 2 was just ridiculous. I immediately call Comcast, again, (at this point I have already lost count of how many times I have had to report this issue) to report the problem and get some help. While I wait for a HUMAN to answer the phone, I have an idea. "I only get slow internet speeds between 5PM and 10 PM". Why?" Sadly, I can't come up with an answer.
A Comcast tech answers the phone and goes through their customary script:
Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is &^*()$#. How can I make this a Comcastic experience? COMCAS WHAT? Anyway, I tell them the issue and, guess what; the old "THE PROBLEM IS YOUR MODEM. YOU NEED A DOCSIS 3.0 ONE" excuse makes an appearance one more time.
I am not wasting my time any more so I thank the technician for his "services" and hang up the phone. At this point, I have already wasted countless hours of my life trying to get this problem fixed." ALL I WANT IS A FREAKING STABLE CONNECTION. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?" I yelled. This is when I realize something important. The problem only occurs between 5 and 10. What happens between 5 and 10? I asked myself.
I start writing things down:
People get home from work. Kids get home from school. The entire family sits down to have dinner and maybe--it hits me--WATCH NETFLIX. Is it possible that the problem is simply a congestion problem? Is it possible that we, my family, are watching Netflix while everyone else in the neighborhood is trying to do the same thing? That would probably explain the situation. “I'm going to call Comcast again”. I thought. “No, they will just tell me to buy a new modem. I'm going to submit a Best Business Bureau complain. That will help”. I told myself. I immediately start working on the complaint and submit it as soon as I’m done with it.
Two days later. I'm in the office working on some important project and my cellphone rings. "Good afternoon. My name is S$%&^. I'm with Comcast Executive Customer Support. The person on the other end says. "OH MY GOD! MY complaint is actually going to work”. I told myself happily while jumping around.
Mrs. S$&$ apologizes for the inconvenience (another script) and tells me, you guessed it, that the problem is my freaking modem. Really? WOW. I thank her for "her time" (sarcasm anyone?) and tell her that I will buy a new modem even though the Comcast tech that had come out to my phone a few days before had told me I didn't have to.
I stop by BB after work. I walk-in and walk-out in less than 10 minutes with a brand new Motorola SurfBoard SB6141 modem in my hands. I get home, say hi to my wife and daughter and I hurry up stairs and into my home-office to connect and activate my new modem. I plug everything in and activate the modem. I'm surprised by how easy it is to activate it. I turn my computer on and run a speed test by going to comcast.speedtest.net. **Bad language** 10 mbps down. I am mad, frustrated and want to call Comcast to cancel my service but somehow I find the strength to calm myself down. I wait 10 minutes to calm myself down before I call Comcast CS again. I’m finally calmed. It is getting late. I can hear the sound of what it appears to be a piece of metal or plastic grinding against asphalt. I look outside the window, the one facing north and onto my neighbor’s driveway. I see Mr. Johnson shoveling snow. It’s snowing again. This is the worst winter even. I thought. I will have to get up early tomorrow to clean up the driveway. I told myself.
I decide to go to bed and not call Comcast after all.
The weekend comes and goes. It’s Monday morning and it’s time to go to work. It’s snowing again. That type of snow that is wet and heavy. This is going to be a long commute! I said.
I make to the office by 9 AM and the first thing I do and is log into my Comcast account. $126!!!!! $126 dollars. I yelled. WHY IS MY BILL $126? I have been charged $60 dollars for a technical call. I WAS TOLD I WASN’T GOING TO GET CHARGED FOR THAT. I yelled again.
I immediately call “Comcast Executive support” only to be told that Mrs. S$(&@& is out and to leave a voicemail. I leave a voicemail and wait for her call back. I hang up the phone and decide to check my email. SURPRISE! I have an email from the Best Business Bureau in regards to my claim against Comcast. I open the email and start reading it. It reads: “Our investigation confirmed the signal levels to the home were within specifications and the service related issues were a result of his personal equipment. I apologized for any inconvenience this may have caused. BAD-WORD – BAD-WORD – BAD –WORD. Not the same response all over again!
I give up. You win Comcast. Not only have I wasted too much time dealing with this stupid problem, I also wasted $100+ on a new modem I didn’t need to buy to begin with. YOU WIN!
I only have one last thing to say:
This is the type of service and customer service we can expect from Comcast right now. I say right now before the proposed Comcast-Time Warner acquisition goes through. Imagine what is going to happen when that deal is finalized and there is less competition in the United States. The WORST is yet to come my friends.